Why I write...

“Give thanks to the LORD and proclaim His greatness. Let the whole world know what He has done. Sing to Him, yes, sing His praises. Tell everyone about His wonderful deeds. Exult in His holy name; rejoice, you who worship the LORD. Search for the LORD and His strength; continually seek Him. Remember the wonders He has performed, His miracles, and the rulings He has given” Psalm 105:1-5

Why do I blog? I was thinking about this the other day. It's actually a very simple reason. I felt God leading me to start a blog. So I did. When I write, I'm simply expressing what He has put on my heart. I trust that He will use my blog in whatever way He wants. I pray it's for His glory.

Tonight I was reading the above Psalm. I have felt very up and down in my emotions lately. One moment struggling with old insecurities, the next moment full of joy because of the beauty of Fall. In one of my down moments tonight I finally turned to God's word. Why do I so often turn to anything and everything else first? Yet, tonight I did finally just open up the Bible and I started reading a random Psalm...any psalm would do- I just needed to get some truth into my heart and mind...when I came to the above Psalm. These verses sum up why I write.

“Give thanks to the LORD and proclaim His greatness. Let the whole world know what He has done... Tell everyone about His wonderful deeds. Exult in His holy name.”

Often I write simply because my heart is bursting with praise! I want to share who my God is and all that He has done in my heart and life. I desire to proclaim how great He is to everyone and anyone! I am in awe of His greatness and all I can do is offer praise to His holy name.

Search for the LORD and His strength; continually seek Him.

Other times it is because I am seeking Him. I feel weak, I feel broken, I feel powerless. I so desperately need His strength. I get distracted and I seek so many other things. I am discontented and unsatisfied. Yet God continues to draw me back to His loving presence. When I write it helps me to process what He is doing in my heart and it helps me to actively seek and search for Him.

Remember the wonders He has performed, His miracles, and the rulings He has given.

I am so forgetful. I am emotional. I can feel God's love at one moment and feel far away from His Presence in the next moment. I so easily act in response to my feelings instead of truth. Yet God calls me to remember. To remember the WONDERS He has done. To remember His MIRACLES. To remember the rulings He has given. I write to record His wonders and miracles. There are many times when I will re-read a journal entry or re-read an old blog and I am so encouraged. God will remind me of the wonders and miracles He has done in my life. I may not feel His greatness at that moment but when I re-read of His wonders my heart is encouraged. My eyes are directed off from myself and back onto the greatness of God. He is so faithful and I have seen Him work in so many ways in my life. Great and small. I simply need reminders. I need the encouragement.

So I am grateful. I am grateful the He has led me to write. For no other reason than the fact that I am encouraged in the process. For He is good. All the time.

recent ponderings

Lately I have been pondering... maybe... just maybe... I am harder on myself than I need to be... maybe... just maybe... I am harder on myself than others ever are. While this is not exactly a new realization, I have reminded of this fact in several different way recently.

Yesterday, I got my hair trimmed. When my roommate commented that she liked my haircut, my response was on how badly my hair has looked the last couple of weeks. Her gracious response was that my hair has looked great. Hmmm... maybe I'm just a tad more critical of myself than others ever are.

Last week, my Assistant Principal did an unexpected walk-through (observation) in my classroom. She talked with my students while they were at their math centers and then observed part of my guided math small group. After she left, I wasn't sure what to think. Were my kids on task like they were suppose to be? Were they able to explain what they were doing? How was the closure of my math lesson? My initial response of my teaching and classroom was to pick out any negative points. What wasn't perfect? However, the feedback that I received later was all very positive. Hmm... maybe... I am harder on myself than I need to be.

The other day, one of my little girls said “Ms. Wagner you're so tall and skinny!” I was not feeling too skinny at the moment.. Let's just say all the stress at work makes me much more prone to chocolate. Yet, I instead smiled and gave her a hug for her honest and random comment. Hmm... maybe I don't always have an accurate view of myself... in many different ways....

Then I started to think about my relationship with God. Maybe... just maybe... I am harder on myself than I ever need to be. Do I start to think about God in this same way? That He is keeping track of all my sins, mistakes, and failures. Oh look, once again I have made the same mistake.

Yet God reminded me of these wonderful promises...

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. I John 1:9

“as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” Psalm 103:12

God, my Abba Father, does not look upon me with condemnation. No, instead He is a loving Father. As soon as I say I'm sorry, my sin is not only forgiven but also instantly forgotten. He keeps no record. My sins are as far as the east is from the west.

While the truth is that I am broken, I am needy, and I am very far from perfect... the beauty of the gospel is all my sin has been washed away by the blood of Jesus. He has paid for my every sin and mistake. The truth is while I am still broken, needy, and far from perfect; God now sees me as His beloved daughter who is whole, complete, and perfect. He freely gives me His unconditional love and acceptance. Just as I am. Love and acceptance. I do not have to earn in any way. Maybe... just maybe... I will start to view myself through His eyes...

“For Your loving-kindness is before my eyes, and I have walked in Your truth.” Psalm 26:3 

the beauty of trees

I love trees. Yesterday as I was driving and enjoying the beauty of the fall leaves, I started to think about how grateful I am for trees. I absolutely love trees. I love the bright green of the leaves on the trees in the spring. How that bright green color represents newness and life. After a long winter, spring has finally come. I love the trees now just as they are starting to change colors. The colors of Autumn- beautiful shades of yellow, orange, and red. I love the how beautiful trees are on a dreary rainy day. The green leaves are vibrant in the contrast of the clouds. The beautiful wet dark bark of the trees. I love trees in the winter. How the snow or ice will outline each intricate detail of the different little branches. Stunning. I love tree tunnels. I love running or biking through tree tunnels. The sunlight shining through the leaves overhead. Such incredible beauty. (The picture above was a tree tunnel that I biked through this summer in upstate NY)

Yesterday I ran 10 beautiful miles at a nearby park. This run was such a gift from God. A friend just happened to mention this park earlier in the day. It was my first time running there and I absolutely loved it. It was the most challenging trail run I've done with the level and steepness of hills but even that I loved. I ran on a quiet path through the woods, up and down steep hills, trees all around me. The blue skies and sunshine bursting through the green leaves overhead. The feel of fall, the cool chilly air felt amazing, as I ran. The sound of fall as the leaves crunched behind my feet. The smell of fall with the fallen leaves. The sights of fall with the leaves just starting to change colors...

This morning God reminded me of how I also love the references of trees in the scripture.

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:16-19

I often run past past a brook near my house. During a recent storm a huge tree was completely uprooted. It a reminder that even a huge tall tree will fall during a storms if it's roots are not deep. I desire instead to be like a tree that is firmly rooted in God's love. That no matter what storms or challenges I face, I will not become uprooted from God's love. That through each storm and trial, I will reminded firmly rooted and established in the width, length, height and depth of His great love for me. A love that surpasses all knowledge. My leaves and branches may sway in the fierceness of a storm yet my roots will remain grounded in His love. I pray that He allows my roots to grow deeper and deeper in His love. That I will know and experience in the depth of my heart His glorious love. I pray that my Abba Father will give me the power to grasp His love so that I may be filled to the measure of the fullness of God.

Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither—whatever they do prospers. Psalm 1:1-3

Lord, may I be like a tree planted by steams of water. May I yield much fruit for You. That whatever I do in Your name may prosper. May my delight be in Your Word. May I meditate day and night upon Your Truth. May I hide Your Word in my heart and so treasure Your Truth. I desire to be like that beautiful tree planted by streams of water that flourishes and yields much fruit.